I frequently come across people who have been cheated on and a majority of the emails I receive are from a wronged party in turmoil over their partners infidelity. Not every cheat is always a cheat and some relationships can survive an affair, but it seems that the lack of respect in relationships now is highly rife (and I’m not just talking about the fellas). In today’s society, being cheated on is almost expected in couples with many spouses turning a blind eye to it. Here in this Confessions Corner post, women reveal why they they have chosen to stay in a relationship after being cheated on.
“In his younger days, my husband cheated on me more times than I’ll ever truly know about. I stayed with him because he was my husband and I believe in the vows of marriage. I’ve never confronted him about his affairs and he’s never flaunted them in front of me. We’re both in our late fifties now and I do believe the philandering has stopped. We have a stable marriage with children and grandchildren and an active sex life. I love him dearly but the pain and anger I went through alone will always haunt me.” – Kaye, 58
“I’d been cheated on before in a previous relationship, so when I found out my present boyfriend was hooking up with girls from dating websites for sex kicks I went ballistic and threw him out of our flat. I let the whole world know on Social Media that he was a dirty scumbag and shamed him to both our families, who sided with me because I’d been a loyal and supportive girlfriend to him for over three years. After months of him grovelling, crying and promising to never slip up again, I took him back. I made him get tested for STDs and demanded he got rid of all dating apps on his phone. I’ve still not fully forgiven him and I’ll never forget but eight months after everything blew up, we’re in a good place. I believe he’s sorry for messing up and knows if he ever cheats on me again, it’s over. For good..” – Abi, 24
“My husband went on a lads holiday and came back with gonorrhea, which to this day, I still believe caused my miscarriage at the time. I hated him for a long while afterwards but knew I didn’t want to be with anyone else and couldn’t bare the thought of him being with someone else either. With all the stress, especially losing the baby, we had professional counselling and I accepted his holiday fling was an act of immaturity and male bravado. We now have two healthy boys and I trust that he’s 100% faithful to me. The pain of the miscarriage will always cloud over us but I’m so glad I didn’t throw our marriage way because of a laddish mistake.” – Chloe, 28
“I stayed with my cheating boyfriend because I was so invested in problems within my family I neglected his sexual and emotional needs. We did initially split after I found out but got back together on the condition he would end his fling with no contact with the woman ever and I would put more of an effort into his feelings and concentrate less on my family. Five years later we’re stronger than before and I trust him completely. Sometimes women do have to share the responsibility when their partners cheat. If you don’t give them the attention they need, of course they’re going to look for it elsewhere.” Vee, 32
“I fell in love with a player hoping his love for me would make him change his ways. He does love me and I do get treated like a Queen, but a player will always be a player. I’d be lying to myself if I said that his sleeping around didn’t bother me, no woman wants to be cheated on but I do love him. Our sex life is the best, he’s very attentive and pleasing and despite all of the other side chicks, he always comes home to me. I’m the mother of his child, I’m a part of his family, I live in his house and he trusts me enough to handle his money. He may be playing me, but I know I’m special to him.” – Tianna, 24
“I played dumb to my partner openly sleeping around because I truly loved him, believed the bullshit excuses he fed me with and thought our impending marriage (to allow him to live in the UK) would make him respect me more. My friends advised me to get out of the relationship, insisting that he was only using me for a Visa but I was so blinded by love and determined to prove them wrong that I went ahead and married him anyway. The cheating continued, even on our wedding night. I was getting verbal abuse and into fights with these random girls he was spinning his cock and bull to, I quit my job to be with him more and altered my appearance to keep him happy in the hope that he would stop cheating. Reality kicked in a few months into the marriage when a long time friend of mine revealed she was carrying his baby. The betrayal of them both was too much to ignore and his gloating about making an English baby was a kick in the heart. It wasn’t easy getting him out of my life as he demanded I remained committed to the marriage and he and my friend tried to emotionally blackmail me stating that my jealousy over the child was why I wanted out and how the kid would grow up without a father if he got sent back home to his birth country. With a good solicitor, I managed to get a quick judicial separation, before finally filing for divorce and with the support of my real friends and family I fixed my life up, went back to work and spent more effort loving myself. I’ve been with my current bloke for nearly a year now. I trust him but I’m taking this relationship at a much slower pace. As for my ex; he and my friend had a baby boy. She wanted to marry him but as she doesn’t work and has no savings it couldn’t help his immigration status. He did find another woman for a convenient marriage, but in the lead up to the event, he was arrested for drug dealing and deported out of the country. Rumour has it that there’s another kid from a different woman for him here. Looking back, I’m glad that he got my friend pregnant because had it just been some random girl, I probably would’ve forgiven him and stuck in a marriage that would’ve caused me extra grief.” – Rebekah, 26
“Pretty soon after getting with my man, I had suspicions he was cheating. Turned out he had a woman and kid on the other side of town and I was the side piece. Twelve years later with five kids between us, my fella has two families that know about the other, accept it and the situation suits us all. It’s not an ideal family set up and certainly not what I had in my plans when I fell in love with my guy, but me and the other woman respect each other, our kids have grown up together and are loved, happy and well behaved. In the mix of the community where I live, most men are sleeping around, having kids all over the place and leading a life of constant drama. I know where my man is when he’s not with me, my kids know their siblings and when he is with me it’s all good, so I’m cool.” – Ann-Marie, 37
“My husband has been having an affair with his PA for over four years. I hate him for it but stay with him for the sake of our kids and to save face. To have my family and social circle know that he’s playing around would crucify me. I’m a mother of four relying totally on my husbands income to live the comfortable life I lead. We haven’t had sex in three years because there’s no love there for either of us. He doesn’t want a costly divorce and I don’t want to give up the perks of being a kept housewife or my kids suffering the fallout from us splitting. I also refuse to give his PA the satisfaction of setting him free. Me and my husband are cordial to each other, he’s a brilliant dad and I have all the perks of being financially taken care of but he just can’t be faithful” – Coleen, 42
***Calling out to the guys! Have you ever forgiven or are you currently with a partner that has cheated on you? Share your view in the comments or email auntyaura@live.com
Auntie Aura's Confessions Corner 