Mummy Shauna is grateful that her ex and her boyfriend aren’t at each others throats, but their bromance is making her feel annoyed and slightly neglected.
Dear Auntie Aura,
I know I probably shouldn’t be complaining, but the bromance between my ex partner and present boyfriend is driving me cuckoo. My ex and I split over two years ago but he remains a part of my life as we have two children together. When I first started dating my boyfriend, my ex was a bit standoffish and arrogant towards him. My boyfriend, who also has children from a previous relationship, put it down to my ex having fears about another man being around his kids and muscling in on his role as their dad. I don’t know the full conversation that took place between them shortly afterwards, but since then they’ve become firm friends. They go on weekend trips with all the kids, go out socially, call and message each other almost every day. I’m grateful they get along, but I sometimes feel like my ex is the third person in my relationship. I get along with his girlfriend but I don’t want to be her best mate. If I have an argument with my boyfriend, I don’t need my ex knowing or giving advice about it and I can certainly do without him calling my fella just as we’re about to get intimate. My ex is around us so much that even holding hands or giving my boyfriend a cuddle feels awkward in front of him. When I talk to my boyfriend about the situation, he just laughs my frustration off and says I should be grateful that my ex is mature enough to accept him and that their friendship is positive for my kids. I agree to a certain extent and I know he’ll always be a part of my life, I just wish it wasn’t so much. I actually get jealous sometimes because I feel my ex knows my boyfriend more than I do. Am I wrong to feel like this? – Shauna, 35
Dear Shauna,
There are many women who’s exes won’t even let them move on with a new partner that would love to be in your position right now. However, you are not wrong for feeling a little overpowered by your exes presence in your relationship. To demand any drastic changes ie; they stop socialising together unless it involves the children, would only cause unnecessary friction. Your boyfriend should not be answering any calls unless they are emergency calls when you and he are having intimate time so you need to check hi on that issue. As for feeling awkward to displaying affection in front of your ex, that could be your problem. You’ve both moved on and settled in relationships, your past with him is history, so kissing your boyfriend or giving a little tap on his ass should not feel awkward. Maybe you should do it more often and your ex might take a hint and leave you be but don’t let his presence hold you back. Also try not to be the third wheel just hanging about or left alone when they’re hanging out. Go out with your own friends or have them over so your time and thoughts are not so occupied seething over what your boyfriend and ex are doing. Please, however annoyed you feel, try and remain positive about your situation, just enjoy the harmony and let your boyfriend know that it is ok to say “no” to your ex sometimes, so he can spend more time with you.
Aunty Aura
Auntie Aura's Confessions Corner 