Alcohol Addiction – Auntie Aura's Confessions Corner

7338 – Moscow – Bolotnaya Proshad – Children are the victims of adults’ vices – Alcoholism (Photo credit: thisisbossi)

Dear Aura,

My parents had a hostile marriage, my father a drunken bully, my mother a drunken cheat. Throughout my childhood up until my father died last year I can not recall either of them showing genuine affection for each other, yet now my Dads dead, my mother is putting on a big performance as a grieving widow.

I am the middle child of three and our home life was a terrible one having alcoholics for parents. They were so wrapped up in their bickering and fighting that they hardly paid any attention to us as kids and it was down to external family members and neighbours that we were clean, fed and went to school. Us kids all left home early to escape the mayhem but I did go back and visit them often to check they were OK. My Dads heart attack came as no surprise as all his organs were failing due to alcohol abuse. My Mum never visited him once during the five days he was in intensive care yet turned on the waterworks to the neighbours and family when she realised he wasn’t coming back.

My brother and sister have little sympathy or time for her but my Mum has always known I’m a soft touch. I do her shopping, tidy the house for her and often I’ll stay with her or let her stay at my flat when she wails about missing my Dad and being all alone. She can’t go anywhere without telling people about my Dads heart and how he suffered but she wasn’t at home when he collapsed and she didn’t see him again until he was in the hospital morgue. She’s blatantly using my Dads death to seek attention and sympathy and although I hate her for it I haven’t got the courage to walk away like my brother and sister can.

Becki 23, London UK.

Auntie Aura Says:

Dear Becki,

You are really going through some tough times at the moment and I truly sympathise with you. Your childhood was a nightmare due to your parents addiction to alcohol, you escape from the nightmare and then one of your parents dies forcing you back into the darkness again. Understandably there is a lot of anger in your feelings towards your mother but the love you feel for her won’t allow you to walk away from the emotional guilt she’s throwing at you.

Alcoholics always have an excuse to justify their drinking. Your fathers death is the perfect excuse for your mother. In her sober heart she probably did love him and before the drink got out of control, they probably did have a good marriage in which they produced three children and that is why she’s grieving now. However, you have to start being honest with yourself and your mother before she becomes entirely dependant on you. When your mother cries about missing your Dad, remind her of the arguing and confront her about not visiting him in hospital. The more you do this the less she’ll use it as a method of sympathy and if there is any genuine feelings there she’ll use them as her defence. The latter would be good for you to hear as it must have been tough for you and your siblings seeing the negativity between your parents growing up.

Your mother may not see her drinking as a problem but make it known to her that its a problem to you and you don’t want to be around it. I can’t guarantee it will force her to get help but you’re an adult now and you should no longer have to suffer with her drunken antics. If she wants to drink in her own time you can’t stop her but if she’s as lonely as she claims and clinging to you, demand that she stays off the alcohol.

Best Wishes

Aura