Jealous Of My Boyfriends Bromance With My Ex

Mummy Shauna is grateful that her ex and her boyfriend aren’t at each others throats, but their bromance is making her feel annoyed and slightly neglected. 

Dear Auntie Aura,

I know I probably shouldn’t be complaining, but the bromance between my ex partner and present boyfriend is driving me cuckoo. My ex and I split over two years ago but he remains a part of my life as we have two children together. When I first started dating my boyfriend, my ex was a bit standoffish and arrogant towards him. My boyfriend, who also has children from a previous relationship, put it down to my ex having fears about another man being around his kids and muscling in on his role as their dad. I don’t know the full conversation that took place between them shortly afterwards, but since then they’ve become firm friends. They go on weekend trips with all the kids, go out socially, call and message each other almost every day. I’m grateful they get along, but I sometimes feel like my ex is the third person in my relationship. I get along with his girlfriend but I don’t want to be her best mate. If I have an argument with my boyfriend, I don’t need my ex knowing or giving advice about it and I can certainly do without him calling my fella just as we’re about to get intimate. My ex is around us so much that even holding hands or giving my boyfriend a cuddle feels awkward in front of him. When I talk to my boyfriend about the situation, he just laughs my frustration off and says I should be grateful that my ex is mature enough to accept him and that their friendship is positive for my kids. I agree to a certain extent and I know he’ll always be a part of my life, I just wish it wasn’t so much. I actually get jealous sometimes because I feel my ex knows my boyfriend more than I do. Am I wrong to feel like this?  – Shauna, 35

Dear Shauna,

There are many women who’s exes won’t even let them move on with a new partner that would love to be in your position right now. However, you are not wrong for feeling a little overpowered by your exes presence in your relationship. To demand any drastic changes ie; they stop socialising together unless it involves the children, would only cause unnecessary friction. Your boyfriend should not be answering any calls unless they are emergency calls when you and he are having intimate time so you need to check hi on that issue. As for feeling awkward to displaying affection in front of your ex, that could be your problem. You’ve both moved on and settled in relationships, your past with him is history, so kissing your boyfriend or giving a little tap on his ass should not feel awkward. Maybe you should do it more often and your ex might take a hint and leave you be but don’t let his presence hold you back. Also try not to be the third wheel just hanging about or left alone when they’re hanging out. Go out with your own friends or have them over so your time and thoughts are not so occupied seething over what your boyfriend and ex are doing. Please, however annoyed you feel, try and remain positive about your situation, just enjoy the harmony and let your boyfriend know that it is ok to say “no” to your ex sometimes, so he can spend more time with you.

Aunty Aura

ADVICE – My Boyfriend Is Back On Drugs

Single mum Valerie thought she had found the love of her life, until he turned back to his heroin addiction.  Aunty Aura helps her decide whether the boyfriend should stay or go.

Image Source : http://www.pixabay.com

Dear Aunty Aura,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and we’ve been living together for 8 months. I knew he had a drug abuse history at the start of our relationship but as he had been clean for a number of years, thought it was in the past. A few months into us living together, I noticed sharp mood swings in him, especially with my children [from a previous relationship]. I put it down to the stresses of other people’s kids, knowing my own can be a handful at times. When items from our home and cash from my purse went missing, I agreed with my boyfriend that my teenage son was the culprit. My boyfriend works, earns a good wage so I never suspected him for a moment, until I found evidence of his drug use in the garage a couple of weeks ago. At first he denied it, then he blamed me and my kids for his relapse and then came the apologies, tears, promises to get help and declaring his love for me. I feel for him, I love him but I’ve never had dealings with a drug addict before and I can’t cope with the war that’s exploded because of it. My kids want to live with their dad because they’re scared of my boyfriend. My ex is threatening to report us to social services and my boyfriend is depending on me to be his crutch whilst he sorts himself out, although he hasn’t actively seeked professional help yet, and is still taking heroin. I don’t want to lose my kids or him.

Valerie, UK

Valerie

Neither yourself or your kids were supplying drugs, nor forcing them down your boyfriends throat, so he has no right blaming you. He makes his own choices. You love this guy, but your kids are your priority. They’re entitled to feel safe in their own home and be in the care of responsible adults. You’ve falsely accused your son of stealing which will have put a strain on your relationship with him. You can’t expect your kids not to have issues with the wrong doings of your boyfriend just because you love him. Personally, I would say he’s got to go, until he receives treatment and see how things go from there. You can still support him, but his drugs and the behaviour that stems from his abuse cannot be in your house or around your children. With drug users you have to be tough. Say what you mean and follow through. If he really loves you and wants help with his addiction, he’ll do his best to get there. By allowing him to still use in your home, until he decides when to seek help is giving him a crutch, which he will use to guilt trip you and take the guilt of himself and things will only get worse. Get tough, let him prove himself and you focus on your kids.

Aunty Aura

CELEBRITY ADVICE – An Open Letter To Simon Cowell’s Shadow, Sinitta

Simon Cowell‘s friend, former love and dark shadow, Sinitta, hasn’t been able to keep her trap shut or her face out of the media since his new lover, Lauren Silverman’s pregnancy for the music mogul was publicly announced. Here Aunty Aura gives Sinitta some home truths as to why the 80s singer should shut up, and move on with her life.

Has Sinitta got a ‘fatal attraction’ for Simon

AUNTY AURA SAYS : As the saying goes “…there ain’t no fury like a woman scorned“, former pop singer, Sinitta is displaying all the signs of a woman “pissed on” by a man.  In this open letter I explain why Sinitta needs to keep her gob shut about Simon’s private affairs, even if she was played by the X-Factor boss.

Dear Sinitta,

You can smile into a thousand cameras and can beam your voice into a million microphones about how happy you are for Simon and Lauren, how he’ll be a brilliant dad, etc and fool yourself but you don’t fool the public and I know you certainly don’t fool Mr Cowell. You’re over reaction to this pregnancy screams ‘jealous ex-lover’ into the face of a blind man.

 

Sexy Simon and Sinitta in the 80s

You and Simon dated back in the 80s when you were a short-lived pop singer. Your career flopped, his soared, yet despite splitting up, you remained friends. You’ve lived, travelled, and socialised well because of this friendship, even keeping your face and name in the media, despite not really doing anything for the last 20 years. If you and he are such good friends, why the hell are you spurting his private business to all who cares to listen?

Simon’s Baby Mama Lauren Silverman

Simon and Sinitta hanging out

 

I personally feel that deep inside your heart you are still in love with Simon and hoped that one day, in the near future, he’d give up the ‘playboy’ lifestyle, and settle down with you. I even believe that Simon probably encouraged these feelings. Making you feel special, confiding in you and allowing you to fulfil his sexual desires whenever he was at a low ebb. You’ve loyally held on waiting, allowed yourself to be used and aborted Simon’s baby in 2009 because you believed he didn’t want children only to be shafted for his ex-pals Mrs.

 

Yes it hurts, but its time to wake up and smell the cow-pat love. Maybe you hold some dark deep secret about Simon, or he does genuinely appreciate you as a friend, but he DOES NOT WANT YOU! Stop publicly making a fool out of yourself and nurture your children, instead of a dream. You may feel ‘wronged’ or ‘played’ but whilst thousands of women all over the world in your position have been left broken and alone from their heartache, you’ve had luxurious holidays and mixed with A-Listers whilst being nothing more than a nonebrity yourself. You claim to get along with Lauren, but if I was her, I would not want you in my company and certainly not around my baby. Get to grips with reality, Sinitta, before you lose it all. You’re becoming an embarrassment to modern women and probably are to the friends that you’ve got. Where’s your dignity?

Apart from money and charm…What’s so attractive about ole Simon?

Better singers than you, who sold more hits from your era are performing at holiday camps to butter their bread. Simon buttered your muffin and you willingly allowed him to. Be grateful and keep quiet or walk away.

Lucky escape? Brad Pitt also dated Sinitta in the 80s. Bet that’s one ex he’s glad he didn’t stay friends with.

Related articles

• Sinitta admits she felt “betrayed” by Simon Cowell over his baby with new lover (mirror.co.uk)
• Sinitta says she aborted Simon Cowell’s baby (contactmusic.com)
• Sinitta ‘stunned’ by Cowell baby (belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

ADVICE – No Sex Before Marriage

Jake from the UK asks Auntie Aura for advice on his no sex relationship

“No ring, no things”

Dear Auntie Aura,

From the moment I hooked up with my girl eight months ago, she said that she would never have sex until she’s married. Girls use that line all that time when they’re playing guys so I didn’t pay too much attention to what she said, however, eight months later, she’s sticking to her words and won’t free up.

My girlfriend claims she is a practising Christian, she doesn’t go to church every Sunday, she smokes, drinks and parties so why can’t she have sex. I’m almost 20, I get feelings and I’ve got needs. She allows foreplay, but whilst she can touch me to get me aroused, I’m not allowed to touch her underneath (vagina) as she says I’m “crossing boundaries” and steering her into temptation. I have feelings for this girl but I can’t hold out for much longer and I’m too young to be putting a ring on her finger. There’s plenty of girls around my way that I could have sex with but I don’t wanna be cheating on her. Maybe I should just end it. What do you think?

Jake, Birmingham UK

AUNTIE AURA SAYS:

Hi Jake. Although your girlfriend doesn’t sound very Christian-like, she stated a rule from the onset of your relationship, that there would be no sex before marriage. You have to respect that. However, her teasing you is not fair and I fully understand that you must be overwhelmed with sexual frustration, its only natural.

I don’t think this relationship holds out much hope for the future as you both have parallel feelings of what you want from each other. You’re not ready for marriage and your girlfriend doesn’t want sex. You can’t change her feelings and she can’t change yours so you’re on a road to disaster. You need to have serious words with your lady and part hopefully on friendly terms.

On another note, fair play on you for holding back for eight months. Not many guys would be able to do that.

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Revenge On My Cheating Boyfriend

In Confessions Corner, a woman tells Auntie Aura of an act of revenge when she suspected her boyfriend of cheating …

My boyfriend of nearly two years and I live over 20 miles apart which means we tend to leave a lot of things at each others flats. When I found saucy messages on his mobile from a girl in his home town I automatically suspected he was cheating.  After he left I poured water on his Kindle, smashed up his camera and some of favourite computer games then threw the destroyed items (apart from the Kindle) down the bin chute along with some expensive clothing and some notes he’d been drafting for a project at his workplace. For weeks he was pissed that he’d ‘lost’ so much stuff and I was satisfied with my revenge and still scouring his phone for secret messages.

Copyright Wendy Darling
http://www.inception-magazine.com

A couple of weekends ago we attended his brothers birthday party where I met his brothers new girlfriend. We became fast friends sharing interests and jokes throughout the night. When I asked her how she met Danny*, she told me how they’d exchanged numbers at a club, he’d called and texted her every night for a week and then it abruptly stopped.  A week later she received a text from Danny, via my boyfriends phone, stating that he had broken his… The messages I’d read were from her, to my boyfriends brother.  He wasn’t cheating on me!  I haven’t confessed to him that I’ve damaged his things as I know he’d dump me but I am going to learn to trust him more and not jump to conclusions so quickly in the future.     – Sammie, UK

Auntie Aura Says :-  You bad girl Sammie.  Stay off your boyfriends phone

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Living With My Girlfriend Has Killed Our Relationship

Dear Auntie Aura,

When me and my girl hooked up almost a year ago, I fell deep. She’s 19, beautiful, got a body to match and seemed to be pretty smart. After a couple of bad relationships, I thought this was the real deal and agreed when she suggested moving into my flat as she spent so much time there anyway. Three months later I’ve realised it was a bad move.

Aunty, this girl causes drama if I go anywhere, apart from work without her. She doesn’t like my boys coming around the flat, is jealous of my friendship with my neighbour and wants us to find a new place. We both work but I’m paying all the bills. We’re arguing almost every day over her insecurities and her wanting to rule my life. Every time I say we should break up or she she should move back in with her family she starts crying and accusing me of cheating and accusing my family and friends of trying to split us up. I’ve never cheated but I can’t continue with all this shit. How can I break up with her without the guilt trip?

Micah, 22, UK

Image Credit: Samanthasdolls.com

Auntie Aura Says:

Dear Micah,

I don’t need to tell you this relationship isn’t healthy, you clearly know that yourself. Your girlfriend has insecurity issues that aren’t going to be solved by you staying with her out of guilt or emotional blackmail. I can see you really have deep feelings but you’re going to have to “man up” for either your relationships sake or your own sanity. Tell her calmly that you are not cheating and you won’t give up your friends for her. You also need to point out that if she feels adult enough to leave home, she must front some of the bills. If she can’t accept your ultimatum, show her the door and walk away from this relationship. She’s using her tears to manipulate and control you. There’s only a small age gap between you but this girl clearly has a lot of growing up to do. You can’t allow yourself to be ruled by her childish ways and lose your friends and family.

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I’m Cheating On My Paralysed Husband

Contact Auntie Aura at Askauntieaura@hotmail.co.uk  with your dilemmas for free confidential advice

Dear Auntie Aura,

My husband of five years had an accident that left him paralysed from the waist down fifteen months ago. I vowed to take care of him and even gave up my job to become his full-time carer. He’s only 33 and led a very active life before his accident so he’s very frustrated and depressed at the little he is able to do now, including sex. I promised him I would never look at another man but over the last few months I have started an affair with a mutual friend. I would never leave my husband but I feel so guilty in deceiving him. I know it’s selfish of me but I need sex, I need cuddles and kisses. Because my husband can no longer perform, he no longer wants to show me any affection which drove me to the attention of my lover.

Although we both agreed it would only be a sexual relationship, me and my lover are falling for each other big time. I don’t want to live this life but I can’t live with a cold marriage. Am I being selfish? Should I ditch my lover? How can I get my husband to show me loving affection? Please help.

Amy, 29, London UK (001)

Image Credit: Samanthasdolls.com

Auntie Aura Says:

Amy, your young life hasn’t mapped out well for you and I truly sympathise with your dilemma. I also sympathise with your husband, being left paralysed has caused a huge upheaval in his life which leaves him dependant on you. As a formerly active man that must be crushing for him and I would hope he’s getting professional emotional to help come to terms with that.

Although you are morally in the wrong for deceiving your husband, I fully respect your reasons. A life sentence without full sex is a tough ask and if you’re not getting any attention from your husband at all, of course you’re going to look elsewhere. Because your lover is a mutual friend, the guilt is going to be weighing you down more because if you get found out, your husband has to deal with being hurt by both you and a friend. I can’t tell you to end the affair, but if you’re both falling in love it will be increasingly hard for you to keep it secret from your husband, friends and      family.

You clearly love your husband and I’m sure he loves you but the frustration of being unable to fully fulfil you both sexually is the cause of him holding out on the affection. Tell him you miss kissing and cuddles and slowly suggest foreplay. Sexual toys can aid him in pleasuring you and give him a little sexual power back. If he refuses to take part you will have to let him know that you are still his wife, not just his carer and your marriage cannot continue loveless. It may seem harsh but he isn’t doing himself any favours in shutting you out. He has to make the best of the ability he has and your marriage because if he doesn’t, you will end up staying with him out of pity, not love and then resentment will set in.

If he’s not receiving counselling, talk to your GP about getting help. I really hope you can find some sort of happiness with your husband as it seems you had a happy marriage before his accident. Please let me know how things develop in the future.

Aunty Aura.