Jealous Of My Boyfriends Bromance With My Ex

Mummy Shauna is grateful that her ex and her boyfriend aren’t at each others throats, but their bromance is making her feel annoyed and slightly neglected. 

Dear Auntie Aura,

I know I probably shouldn’t be complaining, but the bromance between my ex partner and present boyfriend is driving me cuckoo. My ex and I split over two years ago but he remains a part of my life as we have two children together. When I first started dating my boyfriend, my ex was a bit standoffish and arrogant towards him. My boyfriend, who also has children from a previous relationship, put it down to my ex having fears about another man being around his kids and muscling in on his role as their dad. I don’t know the full conversation that took place between them shortly afterwards, but since then they’ve become firm friends. They go on weekend trips with all the kids, go out socially, call and message each other almost every day. I’m grateful they get along, but I sometimes feel like my ex is the third person in my relationship. I get along with his girlfriend but I don’t want to be her best mate. If I have an argument with my boyfriend, I don’t need my ex knowing or giving advice about it and I can certainly do without him calling my fella just as we’re about to get intimate. My ex is around us so much that even holding hands or giving my boyfriend a cuddle feels awkward in front of him. When I talk to my boyfriend about the situation, he just laughs my frustration off and says I should be grateful that my ex is mature enough to accept him and that their friendship is positive for my kids. I agree to a certain extent and I know he’ll always be a part of my life, I just wish it wasn’t so much. I actually get jealous sometimes because I feel my ex knows my boyfriend more than I do. Am I wrong to feel like this?  – Shauna, 35

Dear Shauna,

There are many women who’s exes won’t even let them move on with a new partner that would love to be in your position right now. However, you are not wrong for feeling a little overpowered by your exes presence in your relationship. To demand any drastic changes ie; they stop socialising together unless it involves the children, would only cause unnecessary friction. Your boyfriend should not be answering any calls unless they are emergency calls when you and he are having intimate time so you need to check hi on that issue. As for feeling awkward to displaying affection in front of your ex, that could be your problem. You’ve both moved on and settled in relationships, your past with him is history, so kissing your boyfriend or giving a little tap on his ass should not feel awkward. Maybe you should do it more often and your ex might take a hint and leave you be but don’t let his presence hold you back. Also try not to be the third wheel just hanging about or left alone when they’re hanging out. Go out with your own friends or have them over so your time and thoughts are not so occupied seething over what your boyfriend and ex are doing. Please, however annoyed you feel, try and remain positive about your situation, just enjoy the harmony and let your boyfriend know that it is ok to say “no” to your ex sometimes, so he can spend more time with you.

Aunty Aura

ADVICE – My Boyfriend Is Back On Drugs

Single mum Valerie thought she had found the love of her life, until he turned back to his heroin addiction.  Aunty Aura helps her decide whether the boyfriend should stay or go.

Image Source : http://www.pixabay.com

Dear Aunty Aura,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and we’ve been living together for 8 months. I knew he had a drug abuse history at the start of our relationship but as he had been clean for a number of years, thought it was in the past. A few months into us living together, I noticed sharp mood swings in him, especially with my children [from a previous relationship]. I put it down to the stresses of other people’s kids, knowing my own can be a handful at times. When items from our home and cash from my purse went missing, I agreed with my boyfriend that my teenage son was the culprit. My boyfriend works, earns a good wage so I never suspected him for a moment, until I found evidence of his drug use in the garage a couple of weeks ago. At first he denied it, then he blamed me and my kids for his relapse and then came the apologies, tears, promises to get help and declaring his love for me. I feel for him, I love him but I’ve never had dealings with a drug addict before and I can’t cope with the war that’s exploded because of it. My kids want to live with their dad because they’re scared of my boyfriend. My ex is threatening to report us to social services and my boyfriend is depending on me to be his crutch whilst he sorts himself out, although he hasn’t actively seeked professional help yet, and is still taking heroin. I don’t want to lose my kids or him.

Valerie, UK

Valerie

Neither yourself or your kids were supplying drugs, nor forcing them down your boyfriends throat, so he has no right blaming you. He makes his own choices. You love this guy, but your kids are your priority. They’re entitled to feel safe in their own home and be in the care of responsible adults. You’ve falsely accused your son of stealing which will have put a strain on your relationship with him. You can’t expect your kids not to have issues with the wrong doings of your boyfriend just because you love him. Personally, I would say he’s got to go, until he receives treatment and see how things go from there. You can still support him, but his drugs and the behaviour that stems from his abuse cannot be in your house or around your children. With drug users you have to be tough. Say what you mean and follow through. If he really loves you and wants help with his addiction, he’ll do his best to get there. By allowing him to still use in your home, until he decides when to seek help is giving him a crutch, which he will use to guilt trip you and take the guilt of himself and things will only get worse. Get tough, let him prove himself and you focus on your kids.

Aunty Aura

ADVICE – Help! I Think I’ve Got A STD

Troubled teen Sasha asks Aunty Aura for advice, fearing she has caught a Sexually Transmitted Disease.

DEAR AUNTY AURA,

I have been seeing my present boyfriend for almost two months and recently I’ve noticed a creamy yellow discharge from down below. When I told my boyfriend he said that “whatever I caught”, wasn’t from him and must be from my ex, as the symptoms take a while to show and he’s never caught anything before.

I’m too embarrassed to go to a sex clinic and even more horrified to talk to my doctor. My friend said it sounds like I’ve got gonorrhoea and she knows someone who can gets pills to treat it. Can you really buy medication without seeing a doctor? And my boyfriend says it’s safe for us to have sex with a condom, but I don’t feel comfortable with all this stuff coming out of me.

Sasha, 18, West Midlands, UK.

Image from a medical journal showing symptoms of gonorrhea

AUNTY AURA SAYS:   Sasha, you need to get yourself to a sexual health clinic ASAP. Your symptoms may sound like gonorrhoea but you need someone medically trained in STDs to confirm it. It won’t go away on its own and popping pills from a friend could make you ill, as well as not clear the infection. Ten minutes of embarrassment is a far deal better than a lifetime of misery.

I hate to say it, but your boyfriend sounds like a plonker. Whether he passed this “STD” to you or not, if you weren’t using condoms at the start of your relationship, its pretty likely he has it too. Also, why on earth would he want to continue sex whilst your infected and uncomfortable? Any decent boyfriend would’ve supported you and escorted you to the clinic. You’re a young adult and probably love his socks off, but I think you should re-evaluate your relationship. But please, please get yourself checked out by a professional. The quicker you do, the quicker you can get back to normality.

And WHEN you do get treated, do not have sex again with your boyfriend until he himself gets checked and treated as the infection will only spread back to you again. The doctors and the nurses will also give you any further advice you need. It’s free, so use it.

Related articles

• Sex diseases among young rise by 50% in ten years: Cases of gonorrhoea soar amid fears new super-strain cannot be easily treated with antibiotics (thisismoney.co.uk)
• Sharing Is Caring, Except For STD’s (collegecode.wordpress.com)
• The Facts About Gonorrhea (everydayhealth.com)
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CELEBRITY ADVICE – An Open Letter To Simon Cowell’s Shadow, Sinitta

Simon Cowell‘s friend, former love and dark shadow, Sinitta, hasn’t been able to keep her trap shut or her face out of the media since his new lover, Lauren Silverman’s pregnancy for the music mogul was publicly announced. Here Aunty Aura gives Sinitta some home truths as to why the 80s singer should shut up, and move on with her life.

Has Sinitta got a ‘fatal attraction’ for Simon

AUNTY AURA SAYS : As the saying goes “…there ain’t no fury like a woman scorned“, former pop singer, Sinitta is displaying all the signs of a woman “pissed on” by a man.  In this open letter I explain why Sinitta needs to keep her gob shut about Simon’s private affairs, even if she was played by the X-Factor boss.

Dear Sinitta,

You can smile into a thousand cameras and can beam your voice into a million microphones about how happy you are for Simon and Lauren, how he’ll be a brilliant dad, etc and fool yourself but you don’t fool the public and I know you certainly don’t fool Mr Cowell. You’re over reaction to this pregnancy screams ‘jealous ex-lover’ into the face of a blind man.

 

Sexy Simon and Sinitta in the 80s

You and Simon dated back in the 80s when you were a short-lived pop singer. Your career flopped, his soared, yet despite splitting up, you remained friends. You’ve lived, travelled, and socialised well because of this friendship, even keeping your face and name in the media, despite not really doing anything for the last 20 years. If you and he are such good friends, why the hell are you spurting his private business to all who cares to listen?

Simon’s Baby Mama Lauren Silverman

Simon and Sinitta hanging out

 

I personally feel that deep inside your heart you are still in love with Simon and hoped that one day, in the near future, he’d give up the ‘playboy’ lifestyle, and settle down with you. I even believe that Simon probably encouraged these feelings. Making you feel special, confiding in you and allowing you to fulfil his sexual desires whenever he was at a low ebb. You’ve loyally held on waiting, allowed yourself to be used and aborted Simon’s baby in 2009 because you believed he didn’t want children only to be shafted for his ex-pals Mrs.

 

Yes it hurts, but its time to wake up and smell the cow-pat love. Maybe you hold some dark deep secret about Simon, or he does genuinely appreciate you as a friend, but he DOES NOT WANT YOU! Stop publicly making a fool out of yourself and nurture your children, instead of a dream. You may feel ‘wronged’ or ‘played’ but whilst thousands of women all over the world in your position have been left broken and alone from their heartache, you’ve had luxurious holidays and mixed with A-Listers whilst being nothing more than a nonebrity yourself. You claim to get along with Lauren, but if I was her, I would not want you in my company and certainly not around my baby. Get to grips with reality, Sinitta, before you lose it all. You’re becoming an embarrassment to modern women and probably are to the friends that you’ve got. Where’s your dignity?

Apart from money and charm…What’s so attractive about ole Simon?

Better singers than you, who sold more hits from your era are performing at holiday camps to butter their bread. Simon buttered your muffin and you willingly allowed him to. Be grateful and keep quiet or walk away.

Lucky escape? Brad Pitt also dated Sinitta in the 80s. Bet that’s one ex he’s glad he didn’t stay friends with.

Related articles

• Sinitta admits she felt “betrayed” by Simon Cowell over his baby with new lover (mirror.co.uk)
• Sinitta says she aborted Simon Cowell’s baby (contactmusic.com)
• Sinitta ‘stunned’ by Cowell baby (belfasttelegraph.co.uk)

ADVICE – No Sex Before Marriage

Jake from the UK asks Auntie Aura for advice on his no sex relationship

“No ring, no things”

Dear Auntie Aura,

From the moment I hooked up with my girl eight months ago, she said that she would never have sex until she’s married. Girls use that line all that time when they’re playing guys so I didn’t pay too much attention to what she said, however, eight months later, she’s sticking to her words and won’t free up.

My girlfriend claims she is a practising Christian, she doesn’t go to church every Sunday, she smokes, drinks and parties so why can’t she have sex. I’m almost 20, I get feelings and I’ve got needs. She allows foreplay, but whilst she can touch me to get me aroused, I’m not allowed to touch her underneath (vagina) as she says I’m “crossing boundaries” and steering her into temptation. I have feelings for this girl but I can’t hold out for much longer and I’m too young to be putting a ring on her finger. There’s plenty of girls around my way that I could have sex with but I don’t wanna be cheating on her. Maybe I should just end it. What do you think?

Jake, Birmingham UK

AUNTIE AURA SAYS:

Hi Jake. Although your girlfriend doesn’t sound very Christian-like, she stated a rule from the onset of your relationship, that there would be no sex before marriage. You have to respect that. However, her teasing you is not fair and I fully understand that you must be overwhelmed with sexual frustration, its only natural.

I don’t think this relationship holds out much hope for the future as you both have parallel feelings of what you want from each other. You’re not ready for marriage and your girlfriend doesn’t want sex. You can’t change her feelings and she can’t change yours so you’re on a road to disaster. You need to have serious words with your lady and part hopefully on friendly terms.

On another note, fair play on you for holding back for eight months. Not many guys would be able to do that.

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Runaway Mum Stirs Up Teen Daughter’s Emotions

Teenager Caley explains why being reunited with the mother who walked out on her has stirred up her feelings

Dear Aunty Aura,

Since February this year, I have been reunited with the mother who walked out on our family eleven years ago. I was three years old when she left us for her rich boyfriend, my brothers were seven and nine at the time.  Although I don’t have any memories of when she lived with us, I’ve always felt weird growing up without a mum. My dad has a brilliant girlfriend who has been in our lives since I was five, and although she’s been a “mum” to me, she isn’t my real mum.

My mum made a plea through her parents at Christmas time last year to get back in contact with us and although my brothers blatantly refused, and warned me to do the same, I took her number. After a few awkward text messages, we agreed to meet up secretly, as I didn’t want to upset my dad or brothers. Since February, I have been seeing my mum at least once a month and we message each other sometimes.   She hasn’t fully explained why she abandoned us and I don’t question her but she is still with the rich guy and they have two daughters.  I’ve never met them but seen pictures.  My mum seems really happy with her family which makes me wonder why she didn’t love me and my brothers enough to include us in their lives even more now than I did before.  I am glad that I get to see her, but hate that it has to be in secret cuz I feel like I’m betraying my dad and brothers.  I still feel as lonely as I did growing up because even though I know her, I still haven’t got a mum.  I’m happy when I see her, then I’m crying when she leaves and moody with my friends and family afterwards. Do you think my mum really loves me and should I tell my family I’m seeing her?

Caley, 14 UK

Dear Caley,

Your emotions are jumping all over the place and you’re keeping them to yourself which isn’t a good thing for a grown adult, never mind a young teenager. I’m going to be bluntly honest with you because I don’t want you to hurt alone anymore.

I’m sure that your mother does love you and your brothers. I doubt that she would’ve made contact if she didn’t. However, seeing you in secret and not offering you an explanation as to why she hasn’t been in your life for over a decade is poor behaviour on her part. Although she is your biological mother, this woman is a stranger to you, as you are to her. This does not in any way mean that you cannot form a bond and have a loving relationship with your mother. It means that as an adult, your mother is going to have to step up to her role as a parent.

You need to tell your father and your brothers that you are seeing your mother. The guilt you feel for lying to them will explode one day and from the mood swings you experience, its heading that way. Your father and brothers know you and love you, so they will support you as you deal with these feelings about your mother, even if they don’t have direct contact with her themselves. Maybe you could talk to your Dads girlfriend first if you feel apprehensive. As a neutral member of your family, she can ease any high emotions. You must also understand why your brothers do not wish to see your mother. They were older than you when she left, therefore they have more memories and hurt that they do not wish to stir up.

Once you be straight with your family, I can guarantee you’ll feel more confident asking your mother the questions you want answering and deciding what you want and what you will get from having her in your life. I sincerely hope things work out for you Caley. You may have to deal with a lot of roughs before you get to the smooth but keep strong and never blame yourself for the actions of your mother leaving you.

Love Auntie Aura

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CELEBRITY ADVICE – Sasha Carter Opens Up About The Public Hating On Her Baby

Auntie Aura dishes out unsolicited advice for well known singer going through the baby Blues

Dear Auntie Aura,

I am an international Superstar, married to an equally well known rapper. Our marriage is blissful, even more so after the birth of our daughter last year. However, being in the public eye, I am constantly criticised in the media and social networking sites. From my hair, my music, the people I associate with, I am forever the subject of negative scrutiny. I was even accused of faking my pregnancy. Because I have a loving husband, a supportive family and the most devoted fans any celebrity could wish for, I don’t pay attention to the hate directed towards me. However, when these mindless people attack my child I see red and want to retaliate.

A typical internet comment referring to “Sasha’s” parenting

People criticise the way I dress her, her looks and claim that myself and my husband don’t care for her properly. That is so far from the truth, Auntie Aura. My daughter is the most precious gift in our lives and although I try to ignore it, these spiteful and ignorant opinions cut me up inside. My daughter is just a baby now and unaware of the hate, but what will I do when she’s old enough to understand this negativity? How do I protect her from getting hurt?

Sasha Jay Carter. US

Auntie Aura Says :

Sasha, I am sad to hear of your troubles. Despite your worldly status and success, you’re deeply unhappy, and I suspect, fronting a mask to your public. Being so famous at such a high level is always going to bring you drama but focusing on what you have will outweigh that. There are always people that are gonna be nasty in this world.

Although I could never come close to imagining your lifestyle, in my years of being a mother and supporting troubled children, I don’t agree when celebrities bring their children into the spotlight. That is a personal opinion, not a dig at you, but you’ve been groomed into your status, your daughter was born into it. If you post pictures of your child via social networking, however wrong and sick the comments are, these people are going to continue making them. That’s why, despite his wackiness, I think Michael Jackson had the RIGHT idea when he masked the identities of his three children. Also look at Superstar, Adele, the public haven’t seen her child because they have no right to anything else but her committal as a recording artist.

It’s too late to turn the clock back, but as you publicly stated a couple of years ago, [you like to] keep your private life…PRIVATE. You have a good family network, a healthy child and a life that many would cut their right arm off for. Enjoy it and stick a finger up to the haters. Don’t be a victim off your own success.