Single mum Valerie thought she had found the love of her life, until he turned back to his heroin addiction. Aunty Aura helps her decide whether the boyfriend should stay or go.
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Dear Aunty Aura,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and we’ve been living together for 8 months. I knew he had a drug abuse history at the start of our relationship but as he had been clean for a number of years, thought it was in the past. A few months into us living together, I noticed sharp mood swings in him, especially with my children [from a previous relationship]. I put it down to the stresses of other people’s kids, knowing my own can be a handful at times. When items from our home and cash from my purse went missing, I agreed with my boyfriend that my teenage son was the culprit. My boyfriend works, earns a good wage so I never suspected him for a moment, until I found evidence of his drug use in the garage a couple of weeks ago. At first he denied it, then he blamed me and my kids for his relapse and then came the apologies, tears, promises to get help and declaring his love for me. I feel for him, I love him but I’ve never had dealings with a drug addict before and I can’t cope with the war that’s exploded because of it. My kids want to live with their dad because they’re scared of my boyfriend. My ex is threatening to report us to social services and my boyfriend is depending on me to be his crutch whilst he sorts himself out, although he hasn’t actively seeked professional help yet, and is still taking heroin. I don’t want to lose my kids or him.
Valerie, UK
Valerie
Neither yourself or your kids were supplying drugs, nor forcing them down your boyfriends throat, so he has no right blaming you. He makes his own choices. You love this guy, but your kids are your priority. They’re entitled to feel safe in their own home and be in the care of responsible adults. You’ve falsely accused your son of stealing which will have put a strain on your relationship with him. You can’t expect your kids not to have issues with the wrong doings of your boyfriend just because you love him. Personally, I would say he’s got to go, until he receives treatment and see how things go from there. You can still support him, but his drugs and the behaviour that stems from his abuse cannot be in your house or around your children. With drug users you have to be tough. Say what you mean and follow through. If he really loves you and wants help with his addiction, he’ll do his best to get there. By allowing him to still use in your home, until he decides when to seek help is giving him a crutch, which he will use to guilt trip you and take the guilt of himself and things will only get worse. Get tough, let him prove himself and you focus on your kids.
Aunty Aura
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